I made an appointment for him two weeks ago and now with the thrill of a pupil on an yearly examination I was in a hurry for his doctors’ office. All I wanted to hear was that everything would be fine. He was wearing a shirt and jeans, he was disturbingly young, extremely cocky and very late. I had been waiting for him for four hours along with my unnoticeable belly and when I finally entered his office he welcomed me with ‘What a beautiful blond mermaid.’ I perceived the four hours in front of his office as four years. Not because my bottom went flattened from sitting or because…
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FEAR HAS A LARGE SHADOW BUT IT ITSELF IS SMALL
Fear has a large shadow but it itself is small. Still, it is our biggest deceiver. It sadistically comes up as uninvited guest in our happy moments and spread its thick shadow above all beautiful emotions living vividly in us. It thrills us in silent horror and sketch in our minds apocalyptic scenes. It feeds itslef with this horror, grow bigger and eventually take us over. It embraces us in its cold hands and pushes us down until we silently whimper from pain in the soul. From the lack of vision. From anger with our own weakness. In an attempt to fight, we stretch tiredly a hand and we lay…
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OUR HEALTH IS OUR TREASURE
It is good to be healthy. Not thinking what time you have to take the next pill or how many more times you need to spray your throat with the liquid that makes your eyes come out of their eyegrounds. When healthy, people often think that health is quite an exaggerated notion. When one is knocked down by a microscopic virus and the spirits are as high as of a newly formed amoeba, the world is not Moet Chandon and roses. It is rather thorns and lemons. But not some lovely limes that perfectly fit the mohito, rather one of those tick-skinned, yellow, ultra sulky lemons. After even short contiguity…
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She
Having a child is a holiday. Like these big, bright ones that you expect with held breath and slight tension. Having Mia is both Christmas and Easter altogether. She is zest for the soul and unlimited source of joy for all senses. In two words – eyes and a smile that cure sulky mood, bad breath, rainy days, dejection, holes in the street, boredom and many other unexplored and unspoken spiritual and physical states. As every cure it has its side effects. Among the most persisting ones are a suffering nervous system, systematic inability to sleep and tiredness. And because there are no incorrigible things – my solution is escaping on…
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Nightmares in mom’s kitchen
When she cries, she purrs as an angry kitten. In certain occasions, however, she sounds more as particularly hungry tiger that has spent a considerable amount of time under the sun without water. In these ‘certain occasions’ I usually start opening and closing my chakras, looking for black cats on my way, turning round three times and spitting over shoulder. All these processes only make my temples pulsate as though I have a finger pressed in a vice. This is how her third month on this planet began. Generally, this activity with all its inherent apocalyptic scenes and manifestations was repeated every time she had to eat. On the language…
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Timelessness
Emotions. They come as a tide. They overtake you ruthlessly and urge you towards a whole new universe of feelings. They play with you as a small child in the sandpit of despair or immense joy. They ascend you for a moment and then tantivy throw you at the bottom of the ocean of broken dreams. Their blades nail your naked soul and inflict the last stroke. How light and ephimeral could the soul be..as a fairy. And how it hurts when it is wounded. It dashes as waves against the rocks of the flesh and crashes as foam…until the next wave. For eternity. Everything in you becomes desolate. And…
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With mega huge luggage towards the labor ward
One of the most exciting moments of my pregnancy was definitely the time I was preparing my bag for the labor ward. Until then I have only heard about this enigma. During the earlier months of the pregnancy my mind was picturing it as a pink unicorn – mystery embraced all those articles that I had to have in advance, and with which I had to contentedly position myself and my belly in the hospital. When the moment approached I started reading online hints on what I have to buy. The majority of the things sounded as incomprehensible as the terminology used by my most favorite lecturer in Management Accounting.…
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To be love
I am thinking about love. Just like that – a woman, mother, wife and not easily falling in love person. I have always been impressed by the expression ‘love from first sight’ and more so from those who swear that they have fallen in love from the very first sight. How do you do that, dudes? I need way more than just a single glance, multiple blinks, considerations, discussions with all blondes, brunettes, red heads and other colorful pieces of art from the friends’ circle…and still there is no guarantee that love will blossom. The first sight simply touches the cover of something which filling we are quite unaware of.…
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Venetian splendor without luggage
I travel. I experience. Each trip inflames my imagination, feeds my excitement to the unknown and reminds me how many places expect to be found and explored. Like dreams. The speed with which I can prepare my baggage for the new adventure surpasses the mightiness of an avalanche. It sets fire to the excitement and expectations. To the impatience. The destination that anchors deep in my heart as a ship at the bottom of the Mariana trench is definitely Venice. My soul tweets as a nightingale in early morning from longing to this magical city. My last visit to Venice left with me the flavor of something unpleasant. The most…
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The ruler of the corporate and family life
He called me corporate bitch. I was almost 30 years old. I had the self-esteem of a successful sales manager, I had a long clientele of top companies, I was developing fast and I liked my job. I think I was in love with it. I brought it with me at home, in the restaurant with friends, and the longed vacation. Everywhere. I acknowledged the fact I am good at what I do because I was doing it with explosive amount of desire. Just like the Big Bang. The corporate bitch was in her apogeе. I remember that when he told me that I felt endless satisfaction – for a…
