feelig fear


Fear has a large shadow but it itself is small. Still, it is our biggest deceiver. It sadistically comes up as uninvited guest in our happy moments and spread its thick shadow above all beautiful emotions living vividly in us. It thrills us in silent horror and sketch in our minds apocalyptic scenes. It feeds itslef with this horror, grow bigger and eventually take us over. It embraces us in its cold hands and pushes us down until we silently whimper from pain in the soul. From the lack of vision. From anger with our own weakness.

In an attempt to fight, we stretch tiredly a hand and we lay on the balance everything dear that we hold. On the other side we resignedly put the bottomless pit of fears and we wait. Wait timidly for it to weight in either direction and we pray humbly this to be the side of all heartily experienced joys, dear memories, exciting thrills and longed dreams.

We gather strength and mobilise our whole self to overtake the fear. We try to tаme and subordinate this natural phenomena in order to be able to continue ahead. The opposite would mean to betray our dreams and bow a head before the imaginary vision we have of catastrophic ending.

The battle is epic. Life for the dreams or end for everything that we long for. Sometimes I think that not the closure is important but the first step. The step through which we head towards an adventure with unclear end. Like getting on a roller-coaster.

The world is spinning with the speed of light, your voice has hung somewhere is the space while screaming with last breath that you want to get off, your legs are trembling. Alas, walking on a solid ground remains a dream for the next few minutes. Not before the last round. Then everything quiets down. There are no more screams. There is only defeated fear. And pleasure from the victory. Because everything is within us. In the first step.


The Mermaid

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